The Zelda Characters Go To Tahoe Joes For Dinner
by HyrulesOneHope
Summary: This is the 3rd Episode of the Meal Series. The Zelda Characters eat at Tahoe Joe's... but Skull Kid's ditched and Ganondorf's busy... what else could go wrong?


**The Zelda Characters Go to Dinner (at Tahoe Joe's)**

Written by Austin Hale and Graham Johnson

No sequel is complete without a third story. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! It's Zelda Characters yada yada yada just read the title. And why are they going to Tahoe Joes? Because they're hungry. The nearest (and only) Tahoe Joes is located in the other Grotto next to the Great Fairies Fountain next to the entrance to Death Mountain Crater. You know the place. We begin at Link's house…

Skull Kid (prank calling): Hello? This is Dan Shnyder. I'm looking for Jaimee Phox.

Guy on phone: Oh yeah like I'm gonna fall for that.

SK: Do you have frog legs?

Guy on phone: Who the #$ is this?!

SK: Well you better go catch it! (click) That was soooo funny.

Saria: Lame. Let me show you how it's done. (dials phone number) Hello.

Guy on phone: Not again.

Saria: No really. I'm looking for Huggenkiss, first name, Amanda.

Guy on phone: Oh ok. (in background) "Amanda Huggenkiss? Amanda Huggenkiss? Is there Amanda Hug- HEY WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?!

Saria: Your leg. (click)

Link: That was good.

Malon: Classic.

Darunia: I'm hungry.

All: You're always hungry.

Skull Kid: Me too. Hey I know let's all go to Applebees right now.

Zelda: Yeahhh. Let's all go out to "Applebees" right now. (winks)

All (except for skullkid): OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH.

Ganondorf: I can't go. I'm going to a birthday party.

Mido: Since when do you have any friends? (…realize that this is Mido saying that)

G: It's a job.

Link: Hey everybody, he's the clown!

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

G: LEAVE ME ALONE. (leaves)

SK: Last one there's a hippie-potamus!

In front of Applebees…

Nabooru: Hey Skull Kid, why don't you find yourself—er, I mean _us_ a table. We have a special surprise for you.

SK: Really?! For MEEEE?! You shouldn't have.

Ruto: Yeah. Hey, why don't you, to use your spare time, run home and come back. This may take a while.

Skull Kid: Ok. (leaves)

Impa: Now that he's out of our sight, let's go to Tahoe Joes.

Link: Why Tahoe Joes?

Ruto: Because they have better food.

At Tahoe Joes…

Mido: Can we go to table 12 please? Table 12? 12, 12!!! PLEAAAASE?!

Zelda: Fine. Fine. We'll go to table 12. (they sit down)

Link: Hey, has anyone seen Rauru?

Nabooru: Oh, he had a seizure and won't be joining us.

Link: OH MY GOSH!! (under his breath) It's just like my dream. (hide and seek dream )

Waiter: May I take your order?

Mido: Let me get one thing straight. I do not, that's right, do NOT want any of those stupid little kiddy color paper things and a stupid booster seat.

Waiter: No kiddy color paper things and a booster seat?! What are you talking about? We don't have any.

Mido: Ahh.

Waiter: We have a special table for the babies in that corner of the restaurant.

Mido: (sobby eyed) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

All: BYE MIDO. (Mido leaves sobbing like the baby that he is)

Zelda: I'll have another salad. I'm still on my diet.

Impa: Give me the biggest steak you got.

Waiter: And how would you like that cooked.

Impa: Just cut the horns off and send it in.

Malon: STEAK?!?! OH THOSE POOR COWS!!! (faints. Wakes up) um… Since I'm officially claiming myself as a vegetarian, I'll take the Caesar Salad. WHO THE $&! IS CAESAR?! (faints again)

Ruto: You know what. I am sick and tired of fish.

All: Whew.

Ruto: I'LL HAVE THE SHRIMP FILLET.

All: (barfing)

Link: (while coughing) Cannibal. I would like the special steak on the grill with, get this everyone, I'll have the Mashed Potatoes with extra chunky gravy.

Zelda: Link! How many times do we have to tell you, your--

Link: I DON'T CARE! I want mashed potatoes.

Nabooru: Yeah. I'll have what Link's having.

Link: I MUST HAVE POTATOES.

Saria: Just let me have the salad special.

Link: LINK NEED POTATOES.

Impa: I'll have the grilled cheese sandwich. EXTRA cheese.

Link: I WANT POTATOES NOW.

Darunia: Let me have the boulder burger with sand soup on the side and a tall glass of mud.

Waiter: Ok I'll be back with your orders momentarily.

Momentarily…

Waiter: Here's your food. Enjoy.

Link: At last! At long $# last! I GET POTATOES.

Saria: Link, just as a warning--

Link: I DON'T CARE. I WILL EAT POTATOES. (starts to eat potatoes) Oh heavenly day. I get potatoes. It's like a dream. These potatoes are soooooo… (moaning from the inside of Links stomach) OOOOHHHH! OOOOOOOOO. I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back. (leaves in a flash)

Saria: I tried to tell him potatoes give him diarrhea.

Link (in the background): HEY! There's no toilet paper in here!

Ruto: I'm through with fish. These shrimp are great.

Link (comes out with an empty roll and a full roll): Ok. This is an empty roll. This is a full roll. And furthermore… (stomach groans again) I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! (runs off even faster than before)

Waiter: It seems we have a very special birthday today. Do we have a Princess Zelda at this table?

Zelda: Yes that's me. Waddya want?!

Waiter: CONGRATULATIONS! It's your birthday.

Zelda: Birthday?! I didn't know it was my birthday.

Link: (in bathroom) OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's coming, slowly… slowly…

Saria: Oh yeah. I have a present for you. (gives her box with holes in it. You can hear something moving in the box)

Zelda: Oh. I wonder what it could be. (shakes box furiously) (thud thud, then dead silence) (Opens box) What the #$ is this. Why did you give me a dead guinea pig for my birthday? I hate you.

Waiter: We have a cake for you.

Zelda: A cake?! Let's have a look.

Waiter: (snaps his fingers) (Other waiters bring enormously huge cake on serving cart)

Waiter: Now let's sing out the birthday song.

All: Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday Dear Zelda. (top of cake bursts open. Ganondorf pops out butt naked)

Ganondorf: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y—

All: (gasp. Everyone frozen solid)

Link: (walks out of bathroom) What the heck is…I'M GONNA BE SICK. (runs back in bathroom. Bloodcurdling barfing in background)

Darunia: Oh my…

Zelda: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

Impa: Whoa…two hands there BIG G.

Ganondorf: You mean this isn't little Susie's birthday party? She's turning 3.

Saria: NO it isn't you idiot. Go get some clothes on.

After eating dinner…

Waiter: Thank you for eating at Tahoe Joes. We hope you come back soon. If you want, you— oh let's cut to the chase. Here's the bill.

Ruto: Oh no. Who's going to pay?

Waiter: Well if you can't pay then you have to—

Darunia: CHARGE IT. Here's my credit card. We'll pay with this.

Link: (done barfing) I love you Darunia.

Waiter: Oh. We don't take credit cards.

Link: I hate you Darunia!

Waiter: All of you in the kitchen. And as for you the birthday girl, she will read to the kids at the kiddy table. And hey you in the green, here's a plunger, a bucket, and a sponge. Clean the mess you made in the bathroom.

Link: …But what about rubber glo--

Waiter: NOW.

Link: (in the stall he used) Oh man. It's horrid in here. Hey. I don't remember eating any corn.

At the kiddy table

Mido: READ US A STORY. READ US A FRICKIN' STORY.

Link (in background): Oh no! It's EVERYWHERE!

Zelda: Shut up Mido. What do you want to hear? Do you want to hear "My pet the poe" or "Fluffy the Goron"

Mido and all other kids: "My pet the poe!" "My pet the poe!"

Link (in background): Oh no, not again.

Zelda: OK. Once upon a time there lived a boy named Sparky.

Link (in background): Hey! That's my hat. Give it back.

Zelda: Sparky had many pets. His favorite was Eop the Poe.

Link (in background): Oh no. Not on my good boots.

Zelda: Sparky loved his poe. He took Eop many places.

Link (in background): Perfect, the plunger broke.

Zelda: Sparky loved his poe so much… that he bought him a sandwich. Because he likes to eat the sandwiches.

Link (in background): My hand's stuck in the toilet again.

Zelda: But one day something terrible happened to Eop.

Link (in background): Now it's in my underwear!

Zelda: Eop got some food poisoning from some undercooked meat in the sandwich.

Link (in background): Now it just went up my nose.

Zelda: Sparky took Eop to the veterinarian.

Link (in background): FLUSH DARN YOU FLUSH!!!!!!

Zelda: Sparky died an hour later. And they lived happily ever after… in hell. 

Link (in background): Aha! This'll fix it.

Zelda: How did you like that story?

Mido: I wanna real stowy.

Sages in background: That story was beautiful. (sob)

Link: (running out of bathroom): Hey! We need to go now.

Saria: Were'd you get the brown tunic from, Link?

Link: No time. We need to go before the— (huge explosion in the bathroom) …that. 

Zelda: We better get outta here!

(everyone runs) Waiter: Oh, no you don't! (Grabs everyone) So. Looks like you guys are gonna have to finish the old fashion way.

All: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(cut scene to everyone washing dishes, AGAIN!!!!)

Saria: This is pathetic. When do you think we'll be done with these?

Impa: (scoffs) probably never. ALL BECAUSE LINK WON'T HELP US!!!

Link (in background): (groans) ooooooh, I'm almost done you guys, I promise.

Darunia: That's what you said an hour ago.

Link: NO REALLY! I think it's finally coming out!

Mido: I did not want to think about that!

Zelda: Well, guys. We couldn't get our dessert because of Ganondork… so whaddya say we—

Nabooru: Zelda, if you say it, I WILL RIP OUT YOUR GUTS UNTIL YOU BLEED!

Zelda: (silent… and then says quickly) Who wants dessert?

All: That's it! Get her! Aaaaargh!!!

Is It PosSiBlE tHaT tHiS iS tHe EnD? HoW dId GaNoNdOrF eNd Up In ThE cAkE?IS iT rEaLlY zElDaS bIrThDaY? iF yOu'Re SmArT, dO yOu KnOw HoW lInK gOt ThE brOwN tUnIc? WhAt EvEr HaPpEnEd WiTh ThE "Fluffy the Goron" sToRy? WhY aM i mAkInG eVeRy OtHeR lEtTeR CaPiTaLiZeD? dOeS tHaT hAvE sOmEtHiNg To Do WiTh ThE tOiLeT nOt FlUsHiNg? ThE AnSwErS WiLl Be ReVeAlEd SoOn. Or WiLl TheY?

But wait! Whatever happened to Skull Kid?

Skull Kid (runs into applebees panting): HHHHHHEEEEEEYYYYYY GUYS!!! Guys…guys? Um… where is everybody?

THE END


End file.
